im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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