You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
