i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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