I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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