he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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