People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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