Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
