On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
