Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
