i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
