Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
