oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
