last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
