i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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