was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
