My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
