walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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