I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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