I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
