I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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