Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
