If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
