She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
