We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
