Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
