I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I intend to get homeless drunk
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
