It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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