walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize