Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
