I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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