But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
