Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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