just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
