I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
