Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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