Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
