i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
