Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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