So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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