i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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