She's JV to your varsity
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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