im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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