It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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