I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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