alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
