so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
