sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sext me about skeletons
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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