I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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