So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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