Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
