JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
