I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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