saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
